hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
