i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
