I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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