why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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