Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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