If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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