I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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