Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
