She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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