Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
