well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
