I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
