I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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