there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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