its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
