Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
