it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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