my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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