i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The feeling are messing with the penis
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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