Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
