It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
