My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize