Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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