omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
