She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
