I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
