OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
