so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ttyl tear gas
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
