I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
