I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
