i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
