You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
