Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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