Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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