Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
