i think my mom watched the whole time
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
