she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
