i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
