we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
