Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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