We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
