o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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