hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
