don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
