you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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