if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
