All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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