I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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