you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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