That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
