I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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