you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
