I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
