I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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