Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
