I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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