I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
