dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
