why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
