The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
