How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize