I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
