Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
