And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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