I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize