Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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