this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
