every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
