phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
