She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
