I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
