I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
