Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
