i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
