'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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