At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
