your thong is hanging out like whoa
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
