i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
