Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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