she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize