i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
