My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
