My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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