census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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