oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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