I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
