Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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