The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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