Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize