all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
