So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize