There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
