Betty ford says i'm here all night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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