I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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