maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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