another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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