He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
