worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
