Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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