i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
