Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nicole vs. Life
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
