I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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