No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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