if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
