Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
