Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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