i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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