I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
