So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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