took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
