I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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