I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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