Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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