Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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