im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
