I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize